I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
