Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
