R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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