Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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