paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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