She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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