Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
