Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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