this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
