Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had sex on a roof
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
