you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
