I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
