Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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