last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
