But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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