Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
