I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
