how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
