Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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