I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize