I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
