It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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