she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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