Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
