i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A bitchslap is in order.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
