tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
