apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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