Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
