Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize