Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
