Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
