mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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