Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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