You're completely useless in the revolution.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
