I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
