Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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