i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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