i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
