Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I could fuck to npr.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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