I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
