I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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