she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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