I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
