Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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