Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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