Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
