If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
