there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
