So drunk its hurt
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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