Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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