Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
